5 Second Films

Professor Pigeon

Pigeons typically don’t get tenure. But his discourse on Proust is thrilling to behold.

5-Second Films was created by Brian “Boss Man” Firenzi in the Spring of 2005, after being disappointed by so many 5,400-second films. The rules are simple: 2 seconds of beginning titles, 5 seconds of film, 1 second of end titles. If you take umbrage with these 5sfs running at an actual length of 8 seconds, we can only assume you’re no fun at dinner parties.

5secondfilms.com

Late for Work

RE: Job performance

Hello Collin,

Just wanted to let you know you’re up for review. Some of your co-workers, who shall remain anonymous, have filed several complaints that you’re proving to be a disruption at work. Is there any particular reason you scream “Uhh” at the top of your lungs for the duration of your time at work each day? If you’re confused about your action items, there are procedures for dealing with that as we discussed at last week’s staff meeting. There’s no need to be disruptive by voicing your confusion for 8 hours straight.

Please see me tomorrow.

Thanks,

Chaz

Absence of the Towels

It gets the towel from the bedroom. It does this whenever it’s hungover.

Socks and Sandals

Something about the two items just “go” together. Kinda like fire and kerosene. Chlorine and bleach. Peanut butter and dogshit.

The Final Battle

In the Land of Fyffynthoth, most of the demonic winged creatures are actually just friendly dudes who are trying to get you anything you may want – lollies, more TV time, a scoop of ice cream. But Malazar the Wizard was having none of that bunk.

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